


Suicide

by Lindsey7618



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Depressed Alec, Depression, Hurt Alec, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Sad Alec, Self Harm, Suicidal Alec, Suicide, alec doesn't live at home bc he was kicked out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindsey7618/pseuds/Lindsey7618
Summary: Alec held onto the railing loosely as he swung one leg over the top of the George Washington Bridge. Only a few more moments left and then he could die. Before he could climb over completely he heard a loud voice shout out, and he glanced over his shoulder to see a dark-haired man running towards him, arms outstretched.





	Suicide

**Author's Note:**

> this sucks im sorry i'll edit it later i promise

Alec held onto the railing loosely as he swung one leg over the top of the George Washington Bridge. Only a few more moments left and then he could die. Before he could climb over completely he heard a loud voice shout out, and he glanced over his shoulder to see a dark-haired man running towards him, arms outstretched.

His expression was pained, like he wanted to save Alec, but Alec didn't deserve to be saved. And what he really needed to be saved from wasn't this bridge, but himself, and no one could save him from the monsters within.

To this stranger, Alec was someone who was about to make a big mistake. Someone who had a lot of family and friends who would miss him. Someone who needed to live, deserved to live. But Alec knew better. He knew he deserved everything he did to himself in the past, and he deserved everything he was about to do now. 

The scars on his skin itched, wanting to feel the attention of a cool, smooth blade to send relief flowing through him, but he ignored it. Soon he wouldn't feel the need to use a blade.

He hurriedly tried to pull his leg over, but his jeans caught on the edge. He tugged at them frantically as the stranger approached him fast. He was not going to let this stranger prevent him from dying. This had to happen.

"Wait," the stranger begged. Alec glanced up and noticed he had sharp cheekbones, a beautiful voice, and a gorgeous face that was momentarily ruined by worry. Alec didn't need to be worried about. He didn't deserve anyone's worry.

"Please just stop for one moment," the attractive man said. "I promise that you-"

"Don't bother telling me I have so much to live for." Alec was breathing hard and fast, his mind panicking as he tried to think of a way out of this situation. "I don't, I have nothing. Let me do this." He didn't want this man witnessing his death, but if he wasn't going to leave...

He yanked hard on his jeans and fell backwards a second after the stranger had lept forward to grab his chest awkwardly.

"No, dammit!" Alec twisted around, desperately attempting to shove the man back so he could jump without hurting him or taking the man down with him, but the stranger had already gotten a tight hold on his waist. He somehow managed to drag Alec off the bridge and pull him to the concrete. 

They struggled for a moment and Alec pushed him away and tried to make a run for the bridge, but the stranger tackled him, pulling him down by the ankle. He was stronger than he seemed, Alec thought.

The man crawled over and snatched his arm, holding onto it as if he could save Alec's life. He smiled dryly at the thought. He breathed out shakily, pulling at his arm, but the man wouldn't let go.

"Just let me die," Alec said violently, wiping his eyes with his free hand. He hadn't meant to cry, especially not in front of this stranger.

The stranger looked over at him, keeping a tight grip on Alec's hand. "I wasn't going to say that," he said softly.

Alec stared into his golden-green eyes. "What are you talking about?" he snapped, sounding rude even to himself. He didn't care. This man had stopped him from doing the right thing.

"Besides," he added, ''you literally just said "that"."

The man didn't smile. "You said not to tell you that you had so much to live for. I wasn't going to." He reached out to brush the hair away from Alec's eyes with long, slender fingers, and Alec flinched. He immediately withdrew his hand. "I'm Magnus Bane."

"Great, Magnus," Alec said. "Now let me go."

Magnus shook his head. "Please listen to me, whoever you are, you don't need to do this."

Alec laughed, his next words harsh, tinged with a bitterness even he was surprised he possessed. 

"Yes, I do. I deserve this. I have to do this. I need to. I'm alone. I have no one. My parents hate me for being gay, kicked me out when I was sixteen. I'm eighteen now. All I have left are my siblings, Izzy and Jace."

He paused to breathe in for a moment. "My parents won't let me see my little brother Max. Sometimes I'm able to see him after school without them knowing. If I were straight this wouldn't have happened, but this- this is who I am." His voice broke.

"Isabelle and Jace got kicked out when they stood up for me. That was my fault, I- I tore my family apart."

"But that wasn't your fault-"

"Yes it was! It all was."

Alec gazed out at the dark sky, tears blurring his vision. He watchhed a bird fly away, soaring over the night sky. He wasn't sure why he was telling his pathetic life story to someone he had just met after attempting suicide, but he kept going. It felt too good to stop now. He had kept this all inside for such a long time. And it didn't matter anyway. As soon as he could he was jumping off that bridge, and then he wouldn't care what Magnus knew about him. He wouldn't care about anything.

"No one will ever love me," Alec choked out, looking anywhere but Magnus. He tried to steady his voice. "I'm not worth loving. I'm ugly and boring. What's even the point anymore? I push people away, and it only hurts my siblings. I'm a horrible person. I'm better off dead and everyone else is better off without me. They'd be fine if I wasn't here, so don't give me the whole "everyone-will-miss-you" crap, it won't work."

He rubbed his eyes. Suddenly he was very aware of the cold. He could feel it seeping through his clothes, chilling every part of him. He crossed his arms and watched the branches of a nearby tree shake.

"Listen to me." Magnus voice was firm. He cupped Alec's cheek, turning his face so Alec was looking into his eyes. "Your parents are the ones to blame for that. It was their fault for not being able to accept you for who you are. Your siblings chose to stand up for you. That was their choice. Them being kicked out was a consequence of their choice that they willing chose. You are not to blame for any of that.

"And I know you won't believe me, but you are beautiful. Honestly, I've never met anyone as attractive as you. No one deserves this. Let me help you see who you really are. I don't know your name, but-"

"Alec," Alec mumbled quietly.

"What?" Magnus paused, momentarily startled.

"My name is Alexander Lightwood." Alec closed his eyes, wishing he could go to sleep forever.

"Oh my god." Magnus's tone was gentle. "Your parents- Maryse and Robert Lightwood? Of the Lightwood Law Firm?"

"Yeah." Alec didn't open his eyes.

"My parents are always complaining about yours," Magnus informed him. "No offense. My parents are just as bad."

"None taken." Alec finally looked up. "Who are your parents?" he asked, curious. "Hold on, you said your name was-"

"Bane,'' Magnus finished for him. "Yeah, as in the famous Bane law firm." He didn't sound too pleased. He smiled a little. "We're supposed to be enemies, you know. My parents forbid me from talking with you. I've never been very fond of following the rules, luckily for you."

Alec looked away and felt a blush creeping up his neck. Stop it, he scolded himself. 

"But Alec," Magnus said, the smile fading, "your siblings would miss you. Don't you want to be here to see them turn eighteen? How old is Max?"

"Almost eleven," Alec said with the smile he always had whenever he spoke of his adorable little brother. "He was almost nine when I left."

"Come back to my apartment with me," Magnus said suddenly, tracing circles in the back of Alec's hand. "Stay the night. Get some rest. Please."

Alec blinked. "What do you expect to accomplish by this?" He raised an eyebrow. "If I do go with you, of course. I haven't agreed yet."

"Just- give me three months," Magnus answered confidently. "Stay with me for three months, and if you want to leave by the end, you can. I'm not saying I won't try to stop you from killing yourself again, but you'd be free to go"

Alec stared at him in disbelief. "I'm really not worth all this," he stated.

Magnius ran his hand down the side of Alec's face. "You're worth everything," he said lowly, and Alec's breathe caught in his throat.

"Still," he managed, "three months- that's a long time. I- I can't hold out that much longer, I..."

"Yes, you can," Magnus argued. "I'll help you. I'll be with you every step of the way, I promise. Just three months and if you want to leave then, you can. Deal?"

Alec stared at him for one long moment before his one word response.


End file.
